When I was 16 God spoke two things to me. First, that I would have a daughter and her name was Ana. Second, that I was a writer. Not just a writer, but that He would one day ask me to write something specific- my story. And at 16 I was young and my story had barely begun and I thought it would be easy and so I easily said yes.
Today I’m twenty years older with twenty years of more story to tell and it doesn’t come easy. I find myself not wanting to share my story. And so I write half truths and pray that it is good enough. And for a long time it was.
Last year, my year of surrender, God told me it wasn’t enough. Rather than say yes to what He was asking me to do I started running. And, like Jonah, I ended up in the belly of a whale. It’s the biggest, most terrible whale writer’s face and it’s name is Writer’s Block.
I’ve struggled for nearly two years now to put words onto paper or screen. I’ve started, sputtered, disappeared, and started again to no avail. I have wrestled with God here in the belly of this whale. And even as my year of surrender turned to my year of hope I continued to struggle.
But today, today I am finished.
God has pursued me and gone with me even into the belly of the whale and I am done because I have become undone. I have found courage from others who have gone before me and from the promise of God’s love and I don’t want to run away anymore.
Still shaking from the journey I turned to God and told Him I was finished running and that whale spit me up and words come now faster and faster and so fast my fingers can’t keep up and I can’t get them all out right and oh my gosh but it feels like freedom!
And there’s so much more I have to say but if you want to hear it you’ll have to come back on Monday because the timer has gone off and my five minutes is finished…