How many times have I read the story of the loaves and fishes?
The story of Jesus feeding 5,000 people with one boy’s lunch? Countless. And countless sermons about the disciples, the boy, and the miracle. But never have I stopped to consider the part of the loaves and fishes. Never before today.
This week I have been struggling again with my enoughness. Struggling with the knowledge that I am not enough. It just is what it is. I am only who I am. I try to be bigger, stronger, better but I still come up lacking. I just can’t make myself be enough. It’s frustrating and more than a little depressing.
Today, as I was turning to the familiar places, the safe places where I discovered grace and what it means and how I-can’t-earn-it-I just-have-to-receive-it, I was struck again by the words of Emily P. Freeman.
“You just want to know, Am I enough? When you received Jesus that first time at salvation, you actually received the gift of enough.” –Graceful
And then God spoke the craziest thing to me that I’ve ever heard, You are the loaves and fishes. And I was all like, Wait, what?
Tell me I’m like the disciples- unable to understand, and I get it. Tell me I’m like the brave boy- willing to give up everything he has, and I get it. But how could I possibly be like the loaves and fishes? The story has nothing to do with loaves and fishes, they weren’t even really a thing. They weren’t even enough…
“Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” John 6:9
God waited patiently until I finally understood. I am the loaves and fishes. I am a small meal meant for One- until I’m placed in His hands. In His hands the miracle happens. In His hands I’m transformed. In His hands I am made more than I am. In His hands I am more than enough. From His hands I can feed more than 5,000.
And that’s the desire of my heart really. I want to feed the hearts of more than 5,000. But I can’t. My thoughts, my words, my plans are nothing- I’m just lunch and lunch cannot multiply itself.
There was nothing remarkable about the lunch, but the meal became remarkable in the hands of Jesus. Because miracles happen when the ordinary rests in the hands of Jesus.
And, oh, I get it now! And what a beautiful thing it is to just be lunch. What a weight off to know I don’t actually have to do anything except rest in the hands of Christ because it’s Jesus who does the real work.
It’s a reminder that My life is not a testimony of what I do for Jesus, my life is a testimony of what He does through me.
Friend, today God wants to remind you that you are all that you were created to be. Trust yourself to Him, place your life in His hands and miraculously YOU WILL BE ENOUGH!
Father in Heaven, We are so grateful for all that you do to us. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for sending Jesus that by Him we are made more than we are- we are made to be enough. May we always turn the focus of our lives and our successes back to you. In Jesus name, Amen.