If we all know marriage is hard, then why do we not work harder at it? It was said by one MOPS mom at my table that she put more energy into getting her masters degree than she had into her marriage. Now all of us around the table had a big laugh over what she said. We knew she was exaggerating but I couldn’t get that statement out of my head. A couple of days later I got a chance to speak with her about it (plus get her permission to use her statement in this blog) and what she said to me was even more eye opening. She said she remembered being so focused and determined while she was in Grad School. That made me think about my own time in college.
When I was attending a university I had a set schedule. I spent time in classes, joined study groups, set aside time to write papers and study for exams. A lot of time and energy went into making sure I passed my classes. It was a very purposeful effort.
So if marriage is so much harder, why am I not putting forth the effort to have a successful and happy one? How much better would my husband feel if he knew I took being married to him as seriously as I did my job or my college degree.
I spend more time blowing out my hair than I do making sure my husband has a good lunch to eat. And I only blow out my hair 2 or 3 times a week. That’s sad. I have had more enthusiasm to go get a mani pedi than I have had about strengthening my marriage. That’s not right. If my marriage was a flower it would be starving for water, if it was my college study time I would be on academic probation.
So what did I do about it? I made some simple changes.
- I scheduled a date night at least twice a month
- I write notes and put them in my husband’s lunch box (words of affirmation is my husband’s love language, to find out what your husband’s love language is read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman)
- I figured out what drives my husband crazy about our messy house (dirty dishes in the sink) and make it a point to have all dishes washed before he gets home.
In short, I’m back in school, a freshman at the University of Love and Marriage. My major Gilbert, with a minor in homemaking.
Sandra is the wife of an amazing man and the mother of three non-stop kids, 2 boys and a princess. Her oldest boy is on the Autism Spectrum. She has a heart for special needs children and the moms who care for them. You can find her encouraging the parents of special needs children on her blog The Special Marathon. You can also catch up with her on Facebook and Twitter.