I am thankful. I am thankful for surrender.
I confess, this has not been an easy week (or 2). I have been frustrated.
Frustrated by a system that moves too slowly.
Frustrated because I don’t know when things are going to get better. Easier.
I don’t know when it will be finished.
I have been frustrated because I have felt out of control.
I hate feeling out of control.
I forget too often who it is that’s always in control.
I hear it spoken over me over and over and over again.
My husband says it.
My best friend says it.
My own spirit says it.
But I don’t like to trust.
I don’t want to trust.
I want to decide and do.
I have wanted to decide and do many things this week.
None of them have been within my control.
And so I’ve been frustrated.
Wrestling in a match I cannot win.
And so, finally, after much distress, I do the only thing I can do.
I stop wrestling. I go limp. I lift my hands up to Heaven.
I turn to Him.
And suddenly I realize I’ve won.
Because my fight isn’t really with God.
My fight is with myself.
My fight is with that voice inside me that says
“I know better. I know best. I don’t need God’s help with this.”
Oh that awful, terrible, self-destructive voice.
That voice is not interested in my salvation, protection, or care.
That voice is self-indulgent and full of pride.
It keeps me from the love and care of my loving Heavenly Father.
When I surrender I’m running back into the safety of His arms.
When I surrender I’m submitting to His best for me.
He knows all the things I can’t see or understand yet.
And so the victory is in the surrender.
The winning is found in His embrace.
I get it so backwards so often.
In my foolishness I somehow believe it’s possible
that my best is better than His best.
It’s utterly ridiculous.
In my foolishness I somehow believe that victory comes
when I will things to go my way.
Victory does not come in winning.
Victory comes when,
Despite whatever my circumstance,
I turn my face Heavenward
And offer praise to my King.
There is always victory when I surrender to Him. <- Tweet This
Father in Heaven, thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for putting me in so many situations in which I simply have to trust you- not for your benefit, but for my own good. Thank you for being so concerned with me, my feelings, my pain, my joy. Thank you for all the ways you care for me. Thank you for all the ways you are working on my behalf, even when I am disobedient and distrustful. Thank you for being good and faithful even when I am not. Forgive me, Lord. In Jesus name, amen.